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Sep 24 2009

What you want to think about if you are Dating Online

Published by at 6:04 am under Advice

(This is an article by the late and brilliant Sue Price.)

Dating Online

by Susan Price, M.A.
Ask more questions, or let us know whether you personal experiences with dating online have been good or bad. we will publish interesting answers! Write me here! – Sue Price

Hi Sue,

I noticed you mentioned once about online personals. I have tried this before with some, shall I say, discomfort. Still, I feel it’s time to make more of an effort to make friends. It appears a lot of dating in the 90’s-2000’s is based online. I am wondering how to write an effective profile and also if you have any site recommendations.

Thanks, Sheila

Dear Sheila,

Thanks for your question! It’s one I am happy to answer in detail. I think the two best sites are Matchmaker.com and Match.com. Match.com is probably the best. I think it’s very important to put a picture up, because far more men answer profiles with pictures, even if they’re not just looking for very good looking women. A picture sort of “personalizes” your profile!

Make it an attractive one that is recent, and close enough to what you look like now that a man could recognize you from it when he meets you. If you don’t have any recent pictures, buy one of those cheap disposable cameras they sell in all the drugstores, preferably one with a flash, and have a friend fill it up with a variety of pictures of you. Then, when you take it in to be developed, ask the store to put the results “on disk”. That makes it easy to put up on your chosen singles dating website.

For your profile, put up a positive statement that describes your interests, your personality, and what you are looking for in a man. Include values you are looking for, and what kind of personality you get along with best. Negative talk does not produce results.

Then there is a fantasy factor that you should be aware of. It’s very easy for both men and women to build up an idealized fantasy of what the person they’ve met online is like in person. For this reason, it’s important toactually meet in person as soon as possible. The two of you might be thrilled when you meet, but more common is disappointment, if there is too much fantasy in the mix! The longer you continue to correspond without meeting “in the flesh”, the worse the fantasy can become! It is also amazing how much more information you get about a person when you are actually sitting next to them, looking into their eyes, instead of writing online or talking on the telephone!

I’d also like to say that it make the best sense to not get involved with people who live more than 100 – 200 miles away from you. You may get letters from someone 300 to thousands of miles away. This is ridiculous! First, it tells you that they have no common sense, and second, it tells you that there is too much “fantasy factor” in their nature.

Any prospective male friend should be able to drive from his home to yours and back in one day. This partly for practical logistical reasons, and partly because you don’t want to be faced with the prospect of a man wanting to spend the night with you when you’ve just met!

Which brings me to what to do if you’ve met a guy and you really like him. Please don’t hop into the sack with him right away! This is a person you really know nothing about! It’s not as though you met at a local party, and can check him and his friends out! There are lots of seemingly nice predatorsout there, and it truly takes a while to get to know someone! PLEASE take your time in getting to know someone! I would also strongly suggest that you not have sex with him until you have been dating several months!

In order to do online dating well, you need to give the process a chance for at least six months. This is a time where you need to be bold, and make a real effort to overcome any discomfort you might be feeling about the process. Be sure to protect yourself, however! It’s best to meet for the first time at a restaurant or other public place, not at your home. There is no need to give out your home address, or even telephone number until you are sure that the man is who he says he is!

It’s a good sign if he tells you where he works, and DOES give you his home address and phone. Considerate men realize that women may worry about the legitimacy of men online, and will offer as much information about themselves as possible!

You also don’t want to find a man who has just broken up with someone! It’s much better if he has been by himself for at least a few months. You don’t want to get involved with a man who addictively goes from woman to woman and can’t stand to be alone!

Good luck, Sheila! I hope this information is useful to you, and that you find a wonderful man!

Sincerely,

Susan Price, MA

A note from Susan Price:

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