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Tag Archive 'co-creation'

Mar 08 2011

Love, collaboration, co-creation, lessons from soccer and music, and personal creativity in an intimate relationship

Last night at the cinefamily theatre, (www.cinefamily.org) we were treated to a live presentation of a tv pilot by Thomas Lennon and Ben Garant. What struck me most was their chemistry, how they overlapped each other when they spoke and egged each other. Thomas was dominant, clearly and Ben supported but it seemed to work both ways that the result was brilliant and insightful comedy.

I thought of those studies of pre-school kids where the dominant one in a group always had on particularly loyal and, in a sense, dominant follower and it was the axis between them that organized the rest of the group.

In the map of the good romantic relationship, we see partners do this for each other. This is one sense of secure base, the one who is present and actively following and appreciating and responding to what has been said and done.

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Apr 25 2009

The Stages of Midlife Dating

Published by under Advice

Dating at midlife is one of those topics where everyone who has done it has a strong, opinion. But there is a difference between having an opinions and having a point of view.

After years of academic and clinical research, after a couple hundred of interviews and thousands of pages of outlines and notes, (I started the Dating at Midlife (DML) research project in 1995, seven years ago) I have developed a point of view and the web site and this newsletter reflect it.

Here then is the model which I’ve evolved for helping Midlife Singles get what they want for themselves.

Being single at midlife is a form of midlife crisis. It doesn’t matter whether you are the leave-r or leave-ee. The crisis may not hit you at divorce and may wait until your second divorce. The crisis might hold off until the break-up of your first big post-divorce love affair, the one you thought would save you. Or the crisis may hit you when you realize you are over 40 and never married ever.

What is a crisis?

There are doors in life that only go one way. You walk through them, click!, and there is no going back. You are not in Kansas anymore. The only way out is forward into the unknown. That’s a crisis.

In the single-at-midlife crisis, you find yourself at 40 or 50-something years old with energy, sexuality and time to spare, and single. What are you going to do with the rest of your life? Another relationship? Never another relationship? What?

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